\n<\/p>\n
The first rule for not getting caught in an apparent extramarital affair by a seven-time Grammy winner on a Jumbotron screen in front of 66,000-ish people is, of course, to not engage in an apparent extramarital affair that can then be called out by a seven-time Grammy winner on a Jumbotron screen in front of 66,000-ish people. That’s what happened to two people who appear to be top executives at Boston-area tech company Astronomer earlier this week when they were gleefully ribbed from the stage by a no-fucks-given Chris Martin<\/strong>, frontman of Coldplay.<\/p>\n Coldplay stopped in at Gillette Stadium on Tuesday as part of the band\u2019s Music of the Spheres<\/em> tour, where we would<\/em> say that a Kiss Cam moment turned awkward, but when is a Kiss Cam moment not<\/em> awkward? Things went from cheesy to yikes<\/em><\/a> when a middle-aged man and woman were caught swaying in classic Reverse Prom Pose. The pair\u2019s identity has not been officially confirmed, but online gumshoes have done what they do best: He appears to be Astronomer CEO Andy Byron<\/strong>, and she\u2019s Astronomer Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot<\/strong> (notably the only woman listed among leadership<\/a> on the company’s website), with key guest star Astronomer VP of Human Resources Alyssa Stoddard<\/strong>. Byron is married to someone, but it’s not Cabot, with whom he was canoodling.<\/p>\n The group had varied panicked reactions: Cabot quickly turned her back on the camera, and Stoddard, standing beside the pair, donned a frozen grin for the ages. It\u2019s Byron who really cheezed the whiz on this one, oh-so-slooooooowly dropping to the ground and disappearing from frame inch by baby blue golf polo shirt-clad inch as Martin, from the stage, narrated the drama, as captured in a TikTok<\/a> by concertgoer Grace Springer<\/strong>: \u201cOooh, look at these two! Alright, come on, you\u2019re okay. Uh-oh, what? Either they\u2019re having an affair, or they\u2019re just very shy.\u201d<\/p>\n This content can also be viewed on the site it originates<\/a> from.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Springer told The Sun<\/em><\/a> that she posted the clip because she thought it was an \u201cinteresting reaction\u201d to seeing yourself on the screen.<\/p>\n \u201cA part of me feels bad for turning these people\u2019s lives upside down, but play stupid games\u2026 win stupid prizes,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n They say lightning doesn’t strike twice, but in case you’re still looking to enjoy some throwback stadium hits with your secret boo-bear without getting outed by surprise omniscient narrator Chris Martin, please refer to the following employee handbook for guidance on best practices for canoodling with coworkers.<\/p>\n If you simply must<\/em> have date night with your Work Not-Wife, make an effort to ditch the corporate drag. The solution is obvious: Stock up on those mustache-glasses disguises\u2014nobody\u2019s gonna know! How would they know! Or take a cue from Leonardo DiCaprio<\/strong> at the Bezos-S\u00e1nchez wedding<\/a> and pull a baseball cap over your whole-ass face. Presumably, you are not the beloved star of Titanic<\/em>, and the effect would be inconspicuous. Who’s under that brim? Who actually cares.<\/p>\n If you decide to make your HR Number Two your apparent extramarital affair wingman and third wheel, make sure you have a game plan better than \u201cdrop like a rock and thus wordlessly confirm your affair louder than Jason DeRulo<\/strong> introducing himself\u201d going into it. Stoddard certainly appears to be in the know and third-wheeling it, and somehow, her hand shielding one side of her face while she does a sweatdrop-smiling emoji impression is not much (any) separation between her and her bosses. Whether this was a work outing and the crew all commuted by yacht from the office together or not, there is<\/em> such a thing as subtlety, and this ain’t it.<\/p>\n It’s time to be a baller on a budget. A luxury suite, guys? Was the food and beverage included, at least? Were those room-temperature mozzarella sticks worth it?<\/p>\n Astronomer has been valued at over $1 billion, and self-describes on its website as \u201cthe company behind Astro, the industry-leading data orchestration and observability platform.\u201d What does that mean? You know what, I don\u2019t actually care. Don\u2019t explain, I beg you. These folks sound rich<\/em>-rich, is what we need to know here.<\/p>\n The best place to hide a tree is in a forest: If you want to be an everyman who’s not about to be dragged on Chris Martin’s internet for appearing to step out on your marriage, then it’s time to let that suite life go, with apologies to Zack and Cody both.<\/p>\n The internet is forever, as our antiheroes have learned. Byron appears to have deleted his LinkedIn profile, and according to Newsweek<\/em>, his wife, Megan Kerrigan Byron<\/strong>, first removed her husband\u2019s last name from her display name on Facebook, then deleted her account altogether<\/a>. It\u2019s gonna be a real pain logging into GrubHub or whatever without Facebook, but it is what it is. Cabot also appears to have deleted her LinkedIn profile, where screenshots show that the first \u201carea of expertise\u201d she listed in her bio was \u201cemployee engagement,\u201d with \u201cHR best practices\u201d further on. Another skill she touts that may come in handy? \u201cLeadership transitions.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\nTikTok content<\/h4>\n
1. (Don’t) Dress the Part<\/strong><\/h2>\n
2. Choose Your Fighters<\/strong><\/h2>\n
3. Opt for the Cheap Seats<\/strong><\/h2>\n
4. Use Social Media to Your Advantage<\/strong><\/h2>\n