\n<\/p>\n
There must be some word for this feeling, one that conveys \u201cfinding out that the country\u2019s top national security guys communicate their bombing plans via group text<\/a> instead of secure government channels and also added the editor of a prominent magazine<\/a> that has been critical of them to that group text without noticing and realizing that you\u2019re actually not all that surprised that it happened, only that it took this long.\u201d Maybe there\u2019s something in German.<\/p>\n This surreal situation is where The Atlantic<\/em>\u2019s editor, Jeffrey Goldberg<\/strong>, found himself earlier this month, as he revealed in an article published Monday<\/a>. According to Goldberg, he received a connection request on the app Signal, an encrypted\u2014but, importantly, not a sanctioned communication channel for the exchange of government information\u2014messaging app, coming from a user whose name displayed as Michael Waltz<\/strong>, pointing to the user being Donald Trump<\/strong>\u2019s national security adviser. Weird, he thought, but even weirder was a few days later, when the same user added him to a group chat named \u201cHouthi PC small group,\u201d which also appeared to include JD Vance<\/strong>, Pete Hegseth<\/strong>, Marco Rubio<\/strong>, Susie Wiles<\/strong>, Tulsi Gabbard<\/strong>, John Ratcliffe<\/strong>, and Stephen Miller<\/strong>, among other high-security clearance goons, who proceeded to discuss, in detail, a planned strike on several Houthi targets in Yemen.<\/p>\n Goldberg, he wrote, bore only a display name of \u201cJG,\u201d and apparently went unnoticed throughout the detailed conversations among the 18 users in the group, all the way through the prayer-hands emojis and general celebrations after the strike was complete, then removed himself from the group chat, taking his screenshots and bewilderment along with him.<\/p>\n Now that the group chat oopsie has made headlines and its alleged members are busy being grilled by the Senate Intelligence Committee, we\u2019re here to ask the important question: Who the hell did Waltz think \u201cJG\u201d was when he added him to the group? Trump on Tuesday blamed<\/a> \u201cone of Michael\u2019s people on the phone\u201d for Goldberg\u2019s inclusion, but even if that\u2019s true, that doesn\u2019t explain who<\/em> they thought this silent participant was. If the working group was really as \u201csmall\u201d as the title claims, wouldn\u2019t it be weird if a key person just ghosted on them?<\/p>\n There is, of course, the possibility that the intended invitee was American trade representative Jamieson Greer<\/strong>, considering that the strikes involved trade routes, or that Waltz (or his \u201cpeople\u201d) mistook \u201cJG\u201d for \u201cJD\u201d and smashed the \u201cadd\u201d button and later was like, \u201cwait, huh, I thought I\u2019d added Vance to this thing, Shooty McShooterson, I\u2019ll get right on that. Mikey, if your nose wasn\u2019t attached to your face, you\u2019d lose it, champ.\u201d Then, boop, here comes real Vance, mistake-Vance (Goldberg) remains. Waltz is only 51, but who knows, phone text can feel super tiny, we\u2019re not here to judge.<\/p>\n There\u2019s the possibility that they were looking for someone who could serve in a sort of consulting role to help get things done. Jeff Goldblum<\/strong> handled the dinosaurs just fine, he did something impressive with a computer in Independence Day<\/em>, and have you seen<\/em> him in Wicked<\/em>? The Wizard is an inspiration, even before he shows off his tap-dancing. John Goodman<\/strong> played a Republican president once on The West Wing<\/em>, he looked great in those cowboy boots, and, hey, having seen Alias<\/em>, maybe Jennifer Garner<\/strong> could be helpful here. John Grisham<\/strong>, for a shocking plot twist? (Maybe he\u2019s the one behind JG being Goldberg all along.)<\/p>\n In an apparent ensemble sorely lacking in both women and tension-breaking bestie types, maybe Waltz put on his casting director hat. \u201cI know who this needs!\u201d he may have exclaimed, holding one finger in the air as inspiration struck. \u201cGet me Judy Greer<\/strong>!\u201d If James Gunn<\/strong> can get along with both the Marvel and DC Comics factions, surely he has some bananas diplomatic acumen, or perhaps they were looking for a cinematic soundtrack for their war games, performed as only Josh Groban<\/strong> can. Bust out the Ouji board, the late Jerry Garcia could really bring something to this. It’s worth a try, you know? Never say never. Or perhaps they were trying to get, you know, whatshisface, you know the guy, Joe<\/em>, that guy, the guy<\/em>! You know the one? Ahh, yes, here he is in my phone, Joe Government<\/strong>. You can scroll right past Megan Softball<\/strong> and Claire Malcolm\u2019s Mom<\/strong>, they won\u2019t be helpful here. Gotta be Joe. It\u2019s too late to ask for his last name now, that would just be awkward. Just put him in there.<\/p>\n Could be that they were looking for a favor. Think Joanna Gaines<\/strong> would throw in some shiplap for the Sit Room, maybe, if we made her feel special? John Green<\/strong> has that tuberculosis book out, and damn, wasn\u2019t The Fault In Our Stars<\/em> good? Ugh, I cried. Wept! Part of that was in, what, Amsterdam? Let\u2019s get him in here, maybe he\u2019ll name a character Michael. Come to think of it, I\u2019m a little hungry. How do you think Jean-Georges<\/strong> is about last-minute reservations? Think he\u2019s cool about it? Let\u2019s check. And have you seen<\/em> how much Othello<\/em> tickets<\/a> are going for? Maybe there\u2019s a use for Jake Gyllenhaal<\/strong> here. He was in Jarheads<\/em>, he knows what\u2019s up. Justin Guarini<\/strong>? What\u2019s that guy up to? Think he\u2019s busy?<\/p>\n You know what? Clearly, there\u2019s only one man for this job. Get me Jason Gbourne, and get him now. Houthi PC small group, assemble!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n