The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star Jessi Ngatikaura has been especially emotional since her affair came to light.
“Since the show has come out, it’s been hard. I’ve had a lot going on with press and stuff with the show. I’ve had to keep a happy face on,” Jessi, 33, said in a Thursday, November 20, TikTok video. “I’ve been prepared for the show to come out [and] so has Jordan [Ngatikaura, my husband], but it’s still hard. We knew we were going to be faced with criticism and opinions.”
Jessi revealed during season 3 of Hulu’s Mormon Wives that she had a brief emotional affair with Vanderpump Villa’s Marciano Brunette that soon led to a trial separation from Jordan, 31. (The couple, who share two children, have since reconciled.)
“I do want to say thank you to anyone who has sent love and support. I’ve gotten so much of it,” Jessi said on Thursday, while wiping away tears. “Even if I can’t respond to everything, I want you to know I see it and I appreciate it. Same goes for Jordan.”
She continued, “As you see on the show, my cheating comes up and I had to talk about it on camera. We then decided to be honest and talk about everything. That wasn’t ideal. … We decided the best way was to be honest.”
Jessi further acknowledged a collective of fans who still don’t believe her or “think Jordan’s a d***.”
“It’s really hard to go through that in your marriage publicly,” she tearfully added. “I know that I did choose to tell the story … and I do stand behind what I said. It’s been really hard, but it’s something we’re trying to work on. We’re trying to put our best foot forward and try to get through it.”
According to Jessi, she decided to share her experience “in hopes that someone who’s been through something similar can relate.”
“I’ve gotten many supportive messages,” the JZ Styles founder added. “That’s why we chose to share it, but it’s been so embarrassing and it’s been hard to have everything put out there. I do have to say, I have so much more sympathy for anyone on my show who’s gotten hate or dealt with something hard. … You never get married thinking this is going to be your reality.”
@_justjessiiii Thanks to those that have sent love and support ❤️ I’ll be back in a bit
Jessi also admitted that she and Jordan have “both made mistakes” in their relationship.
“[The] best we can do is take accountability and change — but that doesn’t mean I want anybody to send him hate,” she said. “I understand people have opinions, but this is our real lives. I’m not gonna lie, I feel a little bit helpless right now [and] it’s jarring to have your real life put out there right now. I know I did it and I chose to share it, but it is hard.”
Jessi explained that seeing the onslaught of online criticism wasn’t helpful to her and Jordan’s healing journey, inspiring her to step back from posting on her page.
“I am going to take a little break from social media for the next little bit,” she concluded on Thursday. “I did want to say thank you for the support from those who’ve done that. … I just want the truth out there.”
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is currently streaming on Hulu.
