Reading Time: 3 minutes
Love him, hate him or have no strong opinion on him, there ought to be one thing we all agree on when it comes to Shane Gillis:
He’s an equal opportunity offender.
On Wednesday night, the comedian served as host of the 2025 ESPY Awards, using the occasion to open the show with an epic monologue that took aim at … basically anyone and everyone from the world of sports.
For example, there was a bookie joke made at the expense of Dodgers star Shohei Ohtani, which Gillis then used to pivot to legendary football coach Bill Belichick.
“A bookie is what Bill Belichick reads to his girlfriend before bedtime,” Gillis said on stage, referring to the six-time Super Bowl winner, 73, currently dating a 24-year old.
“They read, ‘Very horny caterpillar.’ ‘The Little Engine That Could But Needed A Pill First’ and of course, the classic, ‘Good Night Boobs.’”
The star wasn’t afraid to get political, either.
“Joe Rogan actually wanted me to be here to host this award show so that I could capture Adam Silver because Joe thinks he’s an alien,” Gillis quipped at one point. “And Donald Trump wanted me to be here to capture Juan Soto for the same reason.”
One attendee from the upper level of the venue audibly booed this joke.
Most of the time, Gillis focused his humor on various athletes.
There were multiple lines, for example, about WNBA superstar Caitlin Clark, as the host said that he and the Fever sensation are similar because they’re “both whites from the Midwest who have nailed a bunch of 3s.”
That’s a pretty great joke, in our opinion.
“When Caitlin Clark retires from the WNBA, she’s going to work at a Waffle House so she can continue doing what she loves most, fist fighting black women,” he added.
Elsewhere, Gillis poked fun at Aaron Rodgers’ tenure with the Jets and the future Pro Football Hall of Famer’s reluctance to get vaccinated during the COVID-19 pandemic.
“Aaron Rodgers did not take the vaccine because he predicted that it would be bad for him and then he joined the New York Jets. So maybe he wasn’t right about everything,” he said.
There was no way Gillis couldn’t comment on Donald Trump and the whole Epstein Files scandal, either.
“There was supposed to be an Epstein joke here, but it got deleted, must have probably deleted itself, right?” he joked. “Probably never existed. Actually. Let’s move on as a country and ignore that.”
Gillis wrapped up his monologue by referencing an old Norm Macdonald joke that he used when he hosted the ESPYs — taking aim at O.J. Simpson in the process.
“Travis Hunter won the Heisman Trophy this year,” he began.
”He’s the first defensive player since Charles Woodson to win the Heisman. Congratulations, Travis Hunter, winning the Heisman, that’s something they can never take away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter, in which case, they can take that away from you.”
Amazing.
