Elon Musk‘s time at the right hand of Donald Trump began with, uh, energetic on-stage appearances during which he performed a very Nazi-like salute and waved around a chain saw. But it ended in far more chastened fashion, with a restrained tweet from Musk on Tuesday saying his “scheduled time as a Special Government Employee” was ending, followed by a bombshell report on Friday claiming Musk is a regular user of Ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, Adderall, and Ketamine—the latter of which he used so regularly that he reportedly suffered bladder-related issues as a result. Given that, you can see why his Friday going-away party in the Oval Office was a bit of a letdown.
Musk, who has in recent months made a habit of wearing a baseball cap that reads “Trump was right about everything,” traded that lid for a black one that simply read “DOGE,” a reference to the flub-filled federal funding department at which he’s allegedly toiled as Tesla burned. Was his farewell event hat-trick more of an Easter egg, intended to indicate his stated dissatisfaction with Trump’s “Big, beautiful bill”? We do know he’s obsessed with Taylor Swift, perhaps he’s biting her secret message style.
He also arrived with a black eye, literally. According to Musk, the injury came from one of his (at least) 14 children that he actually spends time with. “I was just horsing around with little X,” he told reporters from the event. “I said, ‘Go ahead, punch me in the face.’ And he did.”
“I didn’t really feel much at the time and then, I guess, it bruises up,” said Musk of his altercation with the child—full name, X Æ A-Xii Musk—whom he shares with Grimes.
Musk’s shiner was arguably the highlight of the Oval Office gathering, which was loosely structured as a press conference. After some usual rambling remarks such as a reference to a “$20 million” cut DOGE reportedly made to an “Arab Sesame Street in the Middle East, nobody knows what that’s all about” (a reference, perhaps, to a bilaterally supported program intended to fight Al Qaeda recruitment), Trump handed his “first buddy” a golden key to the White House.
“Elon’s really not leaving. He’s going to be back and forth, I think,” Trump said. “It’s his baby.” A fascinating word choice to describe an alleged deadbeat dad. Looks like X isn’t the only person in Musk’s circle to pack an unexpected punch.
